I’m so excited to be getting my life back. I looked back on my calendar over the last couple of months and the last day I did not have a cleaning/rehearsal/haircut/job to go to was on July 30th and before that it was June 16th. JEE.AY.ZUZ WOMAN!!! I thought I would try putting my nose to the grindstone and not doing anything else, and it taught me that I do want ANYTHING ELSE. I have not been able to see friends, be in love, visit with my son, have a schedule that is organized. WRITE MY BLOG. All of those things matter. I thought I could be James Franco and do EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED TO DO.
The good part is, I GOT TO DO EVERYTHING I WANTED TO DO. It all happened. I wanted to work…I went out and got a job. I wanted to travel, I bought a plane ticket to New York. I wanted to do more cleaning, I got more cleaning jobs. I wanted to be in plays, and I got two of them back to back. I wanted to be in love, I re-connected with someone who knows me like no other. So, I see that I can create. I CAN CREATE AND MAKE SHIT HAPPEN!!! So, no problemo there.
Now all I need to do is FOCUS ON WHAT WORKS.
Tomorrow (Friday) is my last day at the salon. Saturday IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I am off all fricken weekend!!!!! After almost three months of non stop activities back to back…my plans are to be naked all weekend with Boyfriend and possibly eat bacon in there somewhere.
I created everything I wanted. Hot damn.
Now to weed out what doesn’t suit me, focus on the best of the best and keep going.
I saved money. I moved. I’m planning a trip in February as I said I am going on a trip every four months. I also wanted to note here how big all of this really, really is in the scope of things.
A year ago I was in the principal’s office with my daughter who was suspended from school and had also, as a side note, just informed me she thought she might have an eating disorder. She is now living in New York, found a job, an apartment and got a part in a play. (And in linking this I see she is using another name…I’m honored it is MY last name…yay!!!! She is on fire.) My son went to New York last week and in visiting The Comedy Cellar while he was there, had a conversation with Dave Attell. My kids are so amazing. !!!
A year ago I was cutting hair in the city (Denver) at an art gallery and met my friend (angel) Kelly. She came in for a hair cut. She asked me if I’d be interested in cleaning her house as I mentioned I needed another job and would love to live in the neighborhood as well. I started cleaning her house and via word of mouth…cleaned another neighbors and another’s. A few months later I moved to this neighborhood and NOW HAVE MY OWN CLEANING BUSINESS AND I LIVE WITH HER. Much love and gratitude to Kelly!!!!!
The lesson I am learning right now is to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY, THE UNIVERSE HAS A WAY TO GIVE YOU ALL THAT YOU NEED. Believe me…I’ve flipped off God several times over, threw the book ‘The Secret’ away, told the universe to fuck off and am the last person to be using words like MANIFEST AND JOURNEY. All I wanted to do was quit being sad. Quit being mean to myself and quit smashing my life.
So I DID. By telling myself I could over and over and over and over and over. Yes I stumbled, no I’m not done, yes I will make more messes and yes I will probably crack a rib or two, but I highly recommend putting on a life vest and planning trips you haven’t taken yet, counting money you don’t have yet, kissing people you don’t know yet, and just sailing by above the heads of most people. Just keep swimming! It works.
I’m going to plan more trips, add Boyfriend’s skills to my business via handyman. And we’re buying a van and going to book jobs all over the city and work for ourselves and travel and I want todo more theater, write a play, make new friends, pet more dogs, laugh with my kids and keep going.