An Excerpt from the Actual Book I Am Writing

I started this in 2010…its about dating…I’m working on it tonight and came across this, and thought you guys might like it:

 

Experience Eight – Mid January 2011

Cute Fireman Date

We were to meet for coffee at Starbucks. He was seriously drip dry cute in his online photo. When I showed up initially at our predestined location, he wasn’t there. I panicked that he’d seen me and left, or that I looked fat perhaps, or even worse, that I’d looked OLD to him. I wondered too if he was actually there, did not resemble the picture he’d sent me and was really the old bald guy harassing that girl in the corner. I ordered my coffee and sat like a Creature in the corner window.  Alas, Cute Fireman Guy walked in, he was adorable and I wanted to marry him.

I did not show that getting married is foremost in my mind however, even though it ISN’T, that IS one of the rules. I tried not to be too blabby but also tried not to stare directly into his soul or question him like a CSI detective.  Rule #3 is ‘Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much’.  I was trying to be soft and feminine with my gestures as well.  Did I let my hair fall in front of my face, tilt my head back and comb back my hair with my hand from the top of my head in a slow, sweeping motion?  Perhaps.  There was a lot to this.

I did not spill my guts out immediately telling him my entire life story as ‘early dating is not the time to tell him about your job problems’or probably that I lived with my mom and dad in their basement.  I sat quietly and acted interested in what he was saying even though I glanced at his crotch often and kept picturing running my hands through his beautiful hair. He said he liked to hike, he spoke of owning a small child, he told stories of going out with his friends, said he had a great relationship with his ex wife, and he was a hot fireman so I was in.

He was supposed to be falling in love with my ‘essence’, while I sat quietly like a Creature Unlike Any Other Rule Number One.  The man is not supposed to ‘fall in love with  anything in particular that I might say’. He should be the one ‘scrambling for things to say’ wondering if he’s keeping me interested.  The Rules say ‘chatty women are annoying.’ I was to be quiet and reserved.  (pg35)

It occurred to me that being slutty is ten times easier than this. I wanted to ditch this coffee scene, hit up a bar and eventually end up naked beside him that same afternoon. This talky stuff over coffee is boring, and I’d had way too much caffeine. Did I mention he was a hot fireman? Needless to say, I followed all of the dumb un-slutty rules. I stayed clothed and sober. Seemingly everything went well with the grown up talk, but I did notice something that I think I would have chosen to ignore in the past due to his gleaming smile, beautiful hair and bulging crotch.  The sitting quietly and listening and appearing mysterious actually allowed me to observe his behavior more closely and double check that what he was doing was actually happening.

Cute Fireman was looking, no, not just looking, he was neck twisting ogling at every girl that walked by, walked into, or even appeared within a forty foot radius of the coffee shop. Some of them were still parking their cars. It was like he was an alley cat that could smell a female in heat or one even pondering ovulation.  Apparently my smell didn’t turn his kitty crank. This might have something to do with someone being so cute, so seemingly perfect, being HOT, being single, and being Online looking for dates. I let it go. Right there and right then.  Beautiful crotch and all. 

We eventually left the coffee spot, separately. I did not follow the rule of ending the date first however, due to being a busy creature, which would have felt good. He said it first and I instantly felt defeated, especially given his lewd behavior. I left ahead of the game though due to this new found sobriety, this grown up way of meeting people, this non-dysfunctory way of the Rules, and its because of all this, I noticed his bullshit.