Read this article. It’s good, and has cuss words in it like a real person wrote it. It also greatly helps me understand, and reinforces the fact that the relationship I was in was abusive. Not bruises abusive, which is what keeps you from admitting you are in one. ‘He’s not hitting me so it’s not that bad.’ ‘It must be me because I just feel bad all the time.’ The thing is is that I felt great when I went back to him; therefore causing his downfall. I was not open to his reindeer games any longer.
It feels so good to feel good. No blanket in the world can cover it up. I started doing what it states in this article: run a bath and leave them to their own theater/”I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own.” It made him crazy.
Number 5 was classic. He’d say he supported me in my acting but then pout, be in bed, be sick, be really UN social at the shows.Jesus. It felt so good to read this. Number 6: If you have a headache they will have a brain tumor. OMG. He would have a rash/throw up/feel sick/OF COURSE HE HAD CELIACS DISEASE making every meal a traumatic event. And number 8 the clincher: the zero accountability of self that they have. And how they blame the world for what has been ‘done’ to them. How they open up with deeply personal information right away to establish intimacy and then you think they are So Sensitive. Gawd.Yep. Check!
Well my bullshit meter is set so low now that it doesn’t take much to set it off which in turn keeps me on my track. Thank God. I got plenty of training from my mother on this shit; which explains why I was so attracted to it to begin with. Its familiar. I’ve married it and dated it my whole life. Its like being Home. Well I’ve reconstructed a new home. It is fabulous. I’ve covered everything with confidence and a little adventure. If it’s unfamiliar I DIVE in. If it scares me and doesn’t include walking down a dark alley, I do it. It feels like a spell has been broken. The light is on, blanket lifted… let’s ROCK!!